| Jokes by ArcaMax, sponsored today by: | | | | A man pulled up next to a little girl walking home from school and said "If you get in, I'll give you a lollypop." The girl kept walking.
Following along slowly, the man said "Come on and get in the car with me and I'll give you two lolly pops." She kept her eyes on the sidewalk and continued on her way.
The man said "Get in with me and I'll give you this whole bag of lollypops!" Finally, the girl turned and said "Look daddy, YOU bought the Ford, YOU ride in it!!!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It | | Sponsor (November 9, 2012) - Do Not Pay Your Car Insurance Bill... Until You Read This. Out of all 246 auto insurers, we found these important "hidden" discounts. * After reporting on the hidden discounts, 650,000 drivers used this one tip to get extreme insurance discounts. * Recently reported: if you're just with "any" auto insurer, you may be overpaying by $793 a year. Click here -- to see the insurance discounts you'll get. | | One day two cows were chatting over the fence between their two fields.
The first cow said, "I'm telling you, this mad cow disease is getting pretty scary! I've heard it's spreading so fast that it's already on Farmer Rubin's land just down the road!"
The second cow replied, "So what? It doesn't affect us chickens!" Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It | | Back ten centuries ago, the Pope decided that all the Muslims had to leave Jerusalem. Naturally there was a big uproar from the Muslim community. So the Pope made a deal. He would have a religious debate with a member of the Muslim community. If the Muslim won the debate, all the Muslims could stay. If the Pope won, all the Muslims would have to leave.
The Muslims realised that they had no choice. They looked around for a champion who could defend their faith, but no one wanted to volunteer. It was too risky. But they finally picked their representative, an old Mullah who unknowingly agreed without knowing what he was getting himself into. He agreed only on the condition that neither side be allowed to talk but communicate by miming. The pope agreed.
The day of the great debate came. The Mullah and the Pope sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. The Mullah looked back at him and raised his middle finger..
The Pope waved his fingers in a circle around his head. Mullah Nasruddin pointed to the ground and stamped his foot.
The Pope pulled out a wafer and a glass of wine. Mullah pulled out an apple. The Pope stood up and said, 'I give up. This man is too good. The Muslims can stay.'
An hour later, the cardials were all around the Pope asking him what happened. The Pope said: "First I held up three fingers to represent the Trinity. He responded by holding up one finger to remind me that there was still one God common to both our religions. Then I waved my finger around me to show him that God was all around us. He responded by pointing to the ground and stamping on it, showing that God was also right here with us. I pulled out the wine and the wafer to show that God absolves us from our sins. He pulled out an apple, reminding me of the first sin. He had an answer for everything. What could I do?"
Meanwhile, the Muslim community had crowded around the Mullah in total astonishmen. "What happened?" they asked. "Well,"said the Mullah, "First he said to me that we Muslims had three days to leave Jerusalem. I told him up yours. Then he told me that this whole city would be cleared of Muslims. I said none of us leaving this land!"
"And then?" asked a woman.
"He took out his lunch and I took out mine," said the Mullah. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It | | - Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
- Crowded elevator smell different to midget.
- He who eats too many prunes, sits on potty many moons.
- Man who fall in vat of molten glass make spectacle of self.
- Man who make love to girl on hill...he not on level.
- Honeymoon over when man who whispered sweet nothings before now say nothing sweet.
- Man who jumps through screen door likely to strain himself.
- Man who drive like hell bound to get there. Print | Comment | Tweet It | Facebook It | Free Daily Recipes from ArcaMax The holidays are just a few weeks away, so now is a great time to start looking for new recipes to share with your family! Check out recipes for roast turkey, or try making some candy coated pretzels to share with friends, with the free ArcaMax Recipes ezine.
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-- From the ArcaMax editors
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